tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69011300194268192512011-04-21T13:05:33.272-07:00there is a great store of darkness hidden away within my depths, smothered by the blankets of sweet temper and nicety i cover it with...it is time to remove layers of subterfuge and to let the darkness out...before it strangles me from within...dark angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03783320911290295707noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6901130019426819251.post-38913443319504843712007-11-13T10:15:00.000-08:002007-11-13T10:29:19.402-08:00i don't know what to write<br />i hate myself at this moment<br />the guy i am in love with<br />the guy i am crazy about<br />the one person who is the centre of my world<br />the man who makes me feel like a woman<br />the man i just can't throw the fuck out of my life even though i have always known<br />he is the guy who can never be mine 'coz he had always loved another..he never was over his first love<br /><br />and now he is back with her<br />he taught me how to live<br />he taught me how to smile<br />he set me free<br />and yet today..when i know he has his life back<br />his smile back<br />his freedom back<br /><br />i who should be happy for him smiling wishing that he never loses her again<br />and here i am jealous<br />dying with jealousy<br />all i feel is sorrow<br />defeat<br />hopelessness even though he had never given me a reason to hope..that i might someday be his life his smile his freedom<br />yet this great betrayer of all..this stupid stupid heart coudnt help falling for him<br />wishing dat one day i might...<br /><br />Oh i don't know what i am writing or why<br />God i feel so...dead<br />i want to roll up into a ball and cry my heart out<br />and all i can do is smile and wish him and his lady love luck while she copy pastes their conversation to tell me how things are going now<br />God i..i don't know..what is next<br />can i continue to talk to him<br />torture myself like this<br />or can i really stay away<br />no i can't<br />so i'll go on taking anything he is ready to give me now<br />which is not much<br />i don't have a choice i am obsessed hopeless a beggar ..just lapping up the fungi infested crumbs he is throwing my way...<br />and may be i'll die one day from this infection<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6901130019426819251-3891344331950484371?l=angeldustdevil.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>dark angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03783320911290295707noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6901130019426819251.post-32148014872315917102007-05-08T00:04:00.001-07:002007-05-08T00:10:07.725-07:00Everyone knows me as a sweet caring creature always ready to help others...my friends call me understanding, nice, cute, sweet,fun-loving, caring but you would be hard put to find someone who can look beyond the good girl facade..and sense the turbulence within<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />there are such dark depths lurking within me...meanness and bitchiness...greed and jealousy...passion and desires...hatred and sarcasm...all make one big uncontrollable torrend...<br /><br />people who have known me all there lives would be shocked if they ever sensed what i have been hiding within...<br /><br /><br />but now i am bored of playing the good girl who is always there for everyone, who does all the right things...who is all mush<br /><br />bah!!<br /><br />me and mush...i hate nothing more than being treated as a kid all the time being pampered and flirted with and for exactly that reason i let people do it b'coz i hate it coz nothing turns me on more than hatred...<br /><br />i let people think i don't see through all the big dramas of care they put up...and let them think they are making a fool of me...do i even care<br /><br />they think i am dumb and an innocent babe just say a few sweet things and a couple of hugs and she'll be all there for you...<br /><br /><br />there is a madness in me...behind that cool formal exterior and sweet smile the monster keeps prancing about...its like another creature lives inside of me someone who is upto no good<br /><br /><br />i am who i am<br /><br /><br />with all my sins its the bare me<br /><br /><br />i am jealous of my best friend for her happiness<br /><br />have detailed imaginations about killing people about hurting them till they would scream with pain beg to be released...aaah what sweet music to my ears it would be see them bowing before me and slithering on the floor like little insects dependent on my mercy<br /><br /><br />there none of them would be able to laugh at me behind there backs...make fun of my 'innocence' thinking they are too smart making a fool out of me without my even suspecting it<br /><br />if i unleashed this power that is rearing to go within me none of them would be able to take advantage of me and my feelings laugh at the way i care about them and on what an idiot i am...guffaw at my stupidity of giving them the power to make me do anything hey want me to<br /><br /><br />i could make it all stop all the hurt and the pain and the frauds they put me through...<br /><br />but then that woud take away all thats interesting in my life...all those chances to observe the different ways people find of hurting you all the games they play the different ways they try to defraud you...there would be no experiments left to conduct...naah i don't want to give up all that and have a life so boring...so i have learned to enjoy all the hurt and pain and now i am addicted...i go looking for new ways to get it...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6901130019426819251-3214801487231591710?l=angeldustdevil.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>dark angelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03783320911290295707noreply@blogger.com5